The Search
I’m trying to find myself and I can’t. its so hard and your not here by my side. I have a better understanding but I’m hurt and still want to cry. I see how strong you are and able to move and do you, but I’m scared you won’t come back and I got the blues. I beat myself up for all the dumb mistakes I made and If I could fix them I would day by day. Each day I wake up I struggle to survive because each day I wake up with death on my mind. I don’t like myself and half the shit I do I hate myself because I feel that’s why I’m not with you. You say its not me its you but its hard to believe that because I know I could of gave it my all I took everything for granted had high hopes and wasn’t ready for this fall. I envy you a little because you give me motivation you have what I want objectives and determination. You say you have no personality and I can name quite a few all you had to do is ask I would of gave you a clue. Its going to be hard and I need to be strong but how when I’m still going to hate myself for doing you wrong. Me and you were meant to be together fly around the world with our tainted feathers. But you picked up a divider to separate me and you I’m kicking my own ass because I feel screwed. Emotions emotions and I don’t know what to think emotions emotions cover my lungs and I start to sink. You made it out of the town that only holds you back and I’m stuck here paralyzed like a fox in a bear trap. You got the social life and your popularity I got fighting the social life that won’t accept me and I need some clarity. Eyes all on you because your the hot stuff eyes quick glance away from me because I’m dark rugged and ruff. People flock to you and people flee from me I’m stuck dreaming while you live your reality. So many tides of fury sweep in and I let them because these tides of fury save me from being weary. Death and Life Hope and Faith I no longer trust. Satan was once an angel but we don’t trust him much.
